I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
