Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
