He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
