So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
