I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
