This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
