Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
