So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Operation Purity has been aborted
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
