He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
