Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
