i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
