i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
