Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
