I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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