You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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