That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this boner is exhausting
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
