Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
