Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit a glass in half.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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