he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
