Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
