UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
