Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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