Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
