Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
