At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
