Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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