he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
