Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
