Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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