He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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