I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think my tv is drunk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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