Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
