I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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