yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
