I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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