Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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