i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
