Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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