idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
