I am spending my child support on dildos
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
