my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
