Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
