reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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