are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I could make wine with my vomit
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
