the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
