Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
