Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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