Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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