She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
