a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
