i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
