and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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