his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
