I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
